He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
