R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
