Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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