why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
