I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
