Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
