I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize