so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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