i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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