Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
