I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
