I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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