I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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