Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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