if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
