To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
