I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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