Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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