this beer tastes like vomit already
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
