I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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