So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
