So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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