I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
