my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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