Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
