We should be called the Road Head Warriors
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
