How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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