You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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