I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
