My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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