we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm too high and old for this...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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