went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
