you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
