we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
