Duck Duck Cougar?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
