Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
