I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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