I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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