woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
