you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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