Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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