I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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