I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
