fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
