Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
