I could make wine with my vomit
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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