The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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