Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
