Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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