he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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