I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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