You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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