Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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