I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
