Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
