i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
