I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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