She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
