Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
