What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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