I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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