I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
