You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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