this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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