Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
