You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
