I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
