As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
