All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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