The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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