I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
