can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
