Your face is a jimmy john
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
