I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize