about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
