I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
