dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
