Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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