im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
