Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
