last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
