I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
