I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
