i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
