Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
