And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
