that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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