So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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