Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
