Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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